


The Story Of Us

by functionber



Category: K-pop, f(x)
Genre: Childhood, Developing Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6743212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/functionber/pseuds/functionber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Jung Soojung and Choi Jinri as they grow from girls to women.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to get the timeline right but in some parts I had to sacrifice the timeline for the art, so forgive me please…ahaha enjoy!!

"Faster! More precise!" Soojung heard her mom yell over the sound of her piano playing. The six year old was so small, her feet could barely reach the pedals underneath the piano. She had to slump down in her stool and extend her toes. At least it gave her legs a nice stretch. She was trying to cover her face with black hair and bangs, and it worked, she looked like a swamp monster. She was pale and tired - ever since she had failed at her last piano recital, her mom made her practice nonstop. That particular day, she had practiced for an hour already, and it was only eleven a.m. Her fingertips were numbing.  
"Mom! MOM!" At the sound of her older sister's voice, Soojung felt relieved. That meant it was time for the ten year to distract her strict piano teacher and turn her into a strict mom.  
"Sooyeon, what is it? Can't you see I'm busy?" Their mom yelled over her youngest daughter's piano playing.  
"But mom," Sooyeon whined, "I need to go shopping. I need new clothes for Korea."  
"Soojung, pause for a bit," their mom said, causing Soojung's tiny head to look up through her mass of dark hair. "Sooyeon, you do not need anything. I will help you pack your bags later. Go do your homework."  
"Mom, we leave really soon. When I'm a celebrity, homework is not going to matter."  
This made their mother explode with anger. Soojung tuned it out, because she only kind of understood what was going on. One time, when they were visiting Korea, they were offered to join an agency, the two sisters. Their parents refused for the six year old to be recruited, but as for Sooyeon, who was ten, the offer seemed okay. Soojung thought both of them were too young, not that it was up to her. This was a big agency, one that could make them a lot of money from a young age. Their family could be well known and successful if everything went correctly.  
"Oh my God, mom, everyone calls me Jessica!" Sooyeon yelled. Her mom cursed in Korean and took her upstairs. Although the little girl felt bad for the pain her sister was about to experience, she was happy she got a break. She stretched out her arms and started to doodle on the pages of her piano book, drawing butterflies and birds and little clouds over each note.  
Soojung thought her sister would make a good celebrity. She had a vibrant personality, a good singing voice, and she was fairly pretty. As for herself, she didn't like singing all that much. She didn't like being called cute. All she really liked was drawing, sleeping, and watching cartoons. As long as she could make a career out of that, she thought she was good.  
From the top of the stairs, she heard her mom disciplining Sooyeon. It was loud and really hard not to notice, as her sister would scream every two minutes. Their mother said she was stubborn as herself, that's why she disciplined Sooyeon so harshly.  
Soojung didn't believe that one bit. She knew her mom liked disciplining them because she had a strong arm from playing softball as a kid.  
"Soojung, do your next piece! Don't let your fingers get cold!" She heard a yell from the top of the stairs. And with that, she was off, playing like she would never stop.


	2. Jung Sooyeon and the Debut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jung Sooyeon debuts and her little sister is shy.

It had been five years since Sooyeon left the house to become a singer. Since then, Soojung had lived with her parents in Seoul, seeing her sister only periodically. It had been months since they last spoke. But Sooyeon had promised something big, something good, something life-changing the next day her sister visited her.  
Today was that day. Eleven-year-old Soojung woke up excited, got dressed excited, got out of the car excited. But as soon as she entered that strange room, full of people she didn't know, she felt nothing but fear.  
She saw her sister, but she didn't see her sister. She looked different - skinnier, but also more tired. She looked older, maybe because her shirt showed her stomach (it's a good thing Sooyeon had the excuse that the outfits were picked out my coordinators, or else their mom would have thrown a fit). Her face was hollow and her eyes were blank. She looked like she was about to fall asleep. Regardless, when she saw little Soojung, she ran over and hugged her. A collective amount of "awww"-s came from the background, from the eight other girls who in a row.   
"Jessica, is this your sister?" an old looking man asked.  
"Yes," Sooyeon nodded respectfully. She looked like a trained dog responding to its owner.  
"We've seen her before, haven't we?" he asked.  
"Yes, she was with me when you scouted us."  
"Mrs. Jung, let me speak with you later," the man said. Soojung felt even more scared. Why were they calling her sister Jessica? Why were they talking about her like they couldn't respond?  
Her eyes were welling up with frustrated tears when her mom started rushing her to her seat. They were front row, there were some photographers, and some people that looked like staff members. But honestly, it was a small crowd. Families, it seemed like. Families of the girls on stage.  
As Soojung looked around, questioning everybody in the room, a man started to speak. He introduced himself, thanked the staffs, thanked the families, so much boring stuff. She got ready to go to sleep, when the lights suddenly dimmed and a different voice came out over the speakers. "SM Entertainment has been home to many stars," Soojung only recognized a couple names he listed off. She knew BoA, she loved BoA, who always seemed so cool on TV.   
"With the success of the many-membered boy group, Super Junior," he continued, "we have decided to create a girl group in the same vein. This is Girls Generation."  
Everybody began to clap, but Soojung didn't know what was going on. She didn't clap. She just folded her arms. Why don't my parents tell me anything, was all she could think.  
"Combining the concepts of power and innocence," he continued, "plus nine unique talents, pretty faces, and personalities, we hope to make this group the next big thing. They will make their debut with the song Into The New World. It is a song about getting through the hard times and finding light in the darkness. The choreography is very complicated, but leaves a powerful impact. The song itself has an epic, very beautiful sound that everyone could enjoy. Both the song and dance are very difficult to learn, but these girls have worked hard," everyone applauded, including Soojung, "I would like each member to introduce themselves and tell us what Into The New World means to them."  
There's so many girls, as young as fourteen. Even though they're all Korean, they're all from different places in the world, each with different struggles. Most of them talk about how hard the training was, or how hard their life was growing up. Or how hard they worked to stand on that stage. When it's Sooyeon's turn, she smiles and waves charismatically, and begins to introduce herself.  
"Hello, I'm Jessica."  
Wait, hold up, pause. Jessica? Not Jung Sooyeon? Soojung had only called her sister by her Korean name. She knew teachers and white kids at school called her Jessica, but she thought that was just for convenience. Was she really going to do this in Korea though? Jessica just didn't feel right.  
But her sister was still talking, so she listened. "Coming here from California, I had a lot of doubts. I was so worried that I wouldn't fit in but I have really found a sisterhood in these girls. They are just so, so kind and even on our hardest days, our sleepless nights spent practicing, we found strength in each other. It's good that I found this friendship because being away from my family has been so hard," she smiled, trying not to let tears roll down her cheeks, "I feel as though I took my parents for granted all this time. I wish I could spend more time with them now, and with my younger sister. I think that's what the song means to me. The shining light I see in the darkness is my family, my sister, my friends. I love you all," she cried. Hard. Soojung watched, tears running down her own face, as the other girls comforted her sister.  
Soojung was a shy, introverted kid. But at that moment, she wanted to tell about how much she loved Sooyeon. She wanted to scream to the whole world.  
But she stared ahead, hair covering her face, picking at her fingernails, as tears ran down her cheeks.


	3. Always

When Soojung was first asked to join SM, she was five years old.  
Five. Years. Granted, she was scouted with her sister, so they might have just asked her so she wouldn't feel left out. But for six years, the company pestered her parents, who continually felt she was too young for something so physically demanding. Instead, they trained her on piano, singing, dancing, modeling, and acting. When they felt she was ready at the age of eleven, they let her join the company, finally.  
Well, "let" meaning they were finally ready for her to be making money for the family. Soojung didn't have any real interest in being a singer, but she liked the idea of living in the same dorm rooms as her sister. Plus, she thought, what could go wrong? It's just singing.  
Soojung was thirteen now. And just about everything that could have gone wrong, had.  
She understood why her older sister was so skinny, why she carried around a tired smile on her face, and why she talked to her family like she would lose them. Because training was deathly hard. And scary - the company said they were building a five member group, but there were eleven girls learning the same choreography. Girls who were training just as much, who worked just as hard. Practices were long, tiring, and the girls were young. Crying was looked down on, but it was so hard not to. Although Soojung knew her sister had been through this, she didn't like to think about it. Nobody should have to go through this.  
It seemed like Soojung would get in, absolutely, definitely, no question. After all, why would they have contacted her family all those years to try and get her to join? Still, they used the idea to threaten her. If she wasn't working hard enough, someone would yell at her and tell her she didn't deserve to be there. It only made her work harder.  
There was also…one other thing that made her work harder. It was that mysteriously pretty girl, Choi Jinri, who waited for her every day after practice so they could walk to the dorms together. Often Soojung's mind was scattered, she was exhausted, she wanted to cry. But looking at that girl, she felt comfort. Her perfect, angel-like face, her soft lips, her pale skin. But more importantly, her huge smile, her bright eyes, and her joyful presence that seemed to brighten up the room. Her smile was built on pure joy, never fake, but she still seemed like she never stopped smiling.   
As Soojung was leaving the practice room, her bags slung over her shoulder, this girl was there to greet her.  
"Soojung-ah!" Jinri called, waving.  
"Jinri-ah!" Soojung responded in the same delighted tone.  
"How are you?" Jinri asked happily.  
"Nervous," Soojung admitted, "They announce the debut line up tomorrow."  
Jinri nodded. They had cut four of the eleven groups from the possibility of debuting. All of them had been training for at least two years.   
"Who do you think is going to make it?" Jinri asked innocently, while Soojung shook her head.  
"I don't want to talk about that. I think the others would feel uncomfortable."  
"Well, no matter what happens, let's stick together," Jinri said, grabbing the other girl's delicate hand and squeezing it, "Always."


	4. The Biggest and Most Awkward Crush (Ever)

Amber, Krystal, Victoria, Luna, Sulli.  
Those five girls made up the group. Although it was regretful that some of the other trainees did not make it, everyone was happy that the hardest period of training was over with. Some would have to go through it again, and Soojung's heart honestly ached for them.  
It had been a year since their debut, and the girls had all gotten close. They laughed together, worked together, suffered hardships together. They lived with each other now, instead of other trainees. Amber, Victoria, and Luna in one room, Krystal and Sulli in the other. But other than that separation, they were together as five. Five best friends who were ready to take on the world together.  
Well, friends for the most part.  
It didn't take Soojung long to realize the feelings she had for Jinri weren't normal. At least, she'd never met another girl who felt this way about girls. That August of 2010, when Soojung was fifteen and Jinri was sixteen, was like a long nightmare for the younger girl. Because she noticed these feelings, but she didn't know what to do with them. What if Jinri didn't like girls that way? What if she did, but she thought they were too young? What if they did get together, but when they broke up, it ruined the group? She thought about telling someone, but she ended up ruling everyone out. Sooyeon was too busy with her girl group duties, and none of the f(x) members were trustworthy enough yet. She felt that nobody in the company could know, because if word got around to the CEO, she was done for. And her other friends, who she hadn't talked to in years, would just leak the information online for money.   
But she couldn't help it - she was in love with Jinri. She was around her constantly, and she got to take in every bit of her beauty. In her eyes, Jinri was like a princess, or an old Hollywood star, with a face made for the screen. When Soojung watched group performances, her eyes were only on that girl. Her stage presence was bright and bubbly, she radiated happiness. She smiled like her life depended on it. No matter how much people complimented her own beauty, Soojung felt insecurity with her basic features, shyness, and cold expressions. Jinri was everything she wanted to be, and wanted to have.  
She did, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. How much she wanted Jinri to kiss her softly, to brush her hair, to give her back hugs. She wanted them to be like the couples in dramas, honestly.   
Sometimes these thoughts would come to her when she was just hanging out or practicing, and it latched onto her brain. She was plagued with them, they would strike at any moment. She'd be practicing, and look over at Jinri, and think about how much she wanted their noses to touch, fingers interlocking, eyes closed, kissing on the bed.   
But of course there was nothing to be done. Soojung felt like a schoolgirl in an anime, gazing lovingly at her crush across the room while flunking tests or writing doodles instead of notes. Love was distracting. She hoped these feelings would pass, that it was just a simple crush fueled by teenage hormones.  
Deep in her heart, she knew it wasn't. That's what scared her the most.


	5. Holding Her

Late at night, most of the time, Soojung would find herself awake, laying on her back, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. The room was silent, and she liked it that way. She found it relaxing.  
Her birthday had passed and she was sixteen now. The group was on a temporary rest (because all "breaks" they had weren't even long enough to be considered breaks). All five of the girls were bored out of their minds, but that was good. For the moment, they'd rather be bored than tired to the point of fainting.  
Jinri's voice came out in the dark, mumbling "Soojung-ah," promptly interrupting her thought process.   
"What is it?" Soojung looked across the room, over to the other girl's bed. She could make out a pale face and some curves where her body was under the blanket. Confirming it wasn't a ghost who said that.   
"I can't sleep," Jinri said, her eyes still closed.  
Soojung got up out of her bed and walked across the dorm room. She felt Jinri's forehead. "You don't seem sick."  
Jinri looked up at her, eyes half open. "I'm cold and scared. Can you lie down with me?"  
Is this some weird dream? Soojung froze as soon as she said that. She didn't know if that should be taken as a friendly offer or with romantic intent. She hoped it was the second one, but cursed herself for thinking that Jinri might have a glimpse of seeing her in a romantic way. "What?" she managed to whisper.  
"I asked if you can lie down with me."  
In Soojung's mind, she has flung her arms around the girl, screaming yes yes yes yes. But in real life, she stood like an awkward statue, a look of curiosity and (unintended) disgust on her face. "Why?"  
Jinri's eyes filled up with tears. "It's cold and dark and I…I…feel lonely. It just," she sniffed, "I'm having bad dreams recently and I can't talk to my mom or anything and I have no one to be with. You're my best friend, Soojung. I know it's a small bed, but can you at least just talk to me?"  
The younger girl nodded, her eyes filling with tears as well. "I know what that's like. I'm sorry. I'm here, Jinri, okay?"  
Jinri rolled over to make room in the bed, and Soojung laid down and pulled the covers over herself. As soon as they were both comfortable, Jinri lazily laid her arm over the girl to her right. She stared straight into her eyes, examining her. "Do you ever feel like we can't be ourselves?"   
"Yes," Soojung responded, "Sometimes I don't like this image they place on me. I don't want to be pretty or cute, I want to be me. And sometimes I want to be left alone."  
Jinri bit her lip and nodded, "This is weird."  
"What is?"  
"That I would have never met you girls otherwise but we'll have to be best friends forever."  
Soojung let that hang in the air, "But you're glad you met us?"  
"Of course, I'm fond of you," she propped herself up on one elbow, her eyes still fixed on Soojung's. She used her free hand to run her hair through the other girl's hair, "What's your greatest fear?"  
Soojung let out an uncomfortable laugh and scoffed, "Don't ask me that so easily."  
Deep down, she loved being like this. She wanted to be stuck in this position with Jinri forever. She felt the other girl's long, black hair graze her face, her slender fingers in her own hair. But she couldn't be so easy and show it.  
"Come on. I'll share mine if you share yours."  
"Okay, I guess…losing my sister. Sooyeon. She's my rock, and I wish we had spent more time together as children because we hardly get to see each other anymore."  
As she looked her friend up and down, Jinri's face fell sad. "Sometimes I think I have you all figured out, other times I think I have no idea."  
They let that hang in the air.   
"Explain that."  
The pale, wide eyed girl moved her fingertips from Soojung's hair to her collarbone, tracing it softly.   
"You seem tough but you aren't. You put on that cold face when you're warm inside. I know, because whenever you're with me, you melt," she took a deep breath and laid down on her back, "and I know you don't want to be here, not really. But after Jessica had success, you felt like you had to. You feel like you're a normal girl, and you don't feel like celebrity material, and you have no idea how beautiful you are."  
Beautiful. That word coming from her lips twisted Soojung's heart in a million different directions. How could Jinri say that to describe anyone other than herself when she embodied the word itself?  
But Jinri kept speaking, "And you are afraid. Of disappointing people. Your family. And Jessica. You don't show that, you would never. But I know you're just filled with love."  
In that moment, Soojung melted. Her eyes moved to Jinri's lips. She wanted to kiss them, right now. Would that be inappropriate? She couldn't stop thinking about how well that girl knew her, and how she had actually spent the time to think about her. She couldn't believe it. "I don't know how to respond to that."  
Jinri giggled. "What do you think about me?"  
What did Soojung think about Jinri? Oh, endless things. What didn't Soojung think about Jinri? "I think you talk like you're reading poetry and you act all eloquent but you're really just a huge dork. I think you're pretty, prettier than me. And I think you're nice. I hope we can be together longer."  
That wasn't even half of it.  
Jinri smiled her widest smile and looked over at Soojung. "Goodnight. I'm tired. Thank you for talking to me."  
"Should I go back to my bed?"  
"No, stay here," she said, and Soojung's heart was basically mush.  
That night, Soojung held her like she was the last butterfly on earth. Something you'd never want to let go of. With her hands around her waste and their legs interlaced, they woke up tangled in each other, just as they had gone to sleep.


	6. In Private

It was always like that. Jinri and Soojung loved each other, but only in private. Sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, resting their heads on each other's shoulders. Innocent little things that felt somehow dirty and sinful just because they were both girls. But it was better if nobody saw, because nobody could see. If they did, what would they say? How would they react? Who would they tell?  
For two people who had to go to such lengths to disguise their relationship, one would think they'd be dating. They weren't even that. They hadn't even kissed. Not that Soojung wanted to. She felt too young, even if she was sixteen. All she knew was she wanted her first kiss to be with Jinri. She only wanted to share that with her.  
One morning, Victoria came into the girl's dorm, when they were both getting ready. "Hello," she sang, peeking from behind the door.  
Jinri's eyes immediately brightened when she saw their leader. "Hi!" she ran over to give her a hug.  
Soojung bowed and greeted her more quietly. Victoria laughed at that. "We're friends, honey. Just save the formal stuff for when we're in front of the manager."  
"Why are you here so early?" Jinri asked. Even though she was younger than Victoria, she stood taller than her. But she acted just like a five year old in her cool sister's presence.  
"Okay, so Amber's with friends in the city, and her ankle is still broken. And Luna's with family. So…I just wanted to check in, see if you had any plans?"  
Soojung shrugged. "Stay here. Go out to eat if we can. Get some rest."  
Victoria smiled. "I'll be here whenever you need me. Don't be afraid to say hi!"   
She turned around the walk out the door when Jinri called, "Victoria!"  
"Yes?"  
"What's the dating ban for our group?"  
Soojung felt her face get hot. Why is she even asking? Victoria will notice that she's acting weird for sure.  
The older girl raised an eyebrow. "Three years. Just for focusing on work purposes."  
"Oh! Okay, cool, thank you!" Jinri waved good-bye.  
Victoria waved back and closed the door. Jinri turned around with a huge smile. "Did you hear that? In two years, I can ask you out!"  
Soojung didn't laugh or smile. She just put her head down and walked to the bathroom, leaving the other girl behind to wonder what was going on.


	7. Boredom Kills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> authors note -  
> I'm so sorry to those who read this and actually genuinely enjoy it (side note - why, I am such a bad writer) because I haven't updated in so long!!! I always hand write things first, and My dumb ass lost the notebook this fic was in for a good couple of weeks. And then I was too lazy to type it up even when I found it so that's my fault hahaha. I hope this is enjoyable, this was my least favorite chapter because it sucks so much but anyways I hope you like it!!!

"I'm bored," Jinri said, while staring at the ceiling of the dorm. Nothing about it had changed in the past ten minutes.  
"Go run a lap around the building," Soojung responded, provoking a sarcastic laugh.  
"I would collapse on the floor in pain."  
"Well, let's test the theory."  
Jinri stuck her tongue out. "Gosh, why do you hate me? Let's see what our friends are doing."  
"Our friends? My friends. You have no friends," Soojung said in her ever-snarky voice.  
"Shut up," the older girl giggled, "you don't have to be so mean to me, but you are. All the time!"  
Soojung laughed. "I'm not that mean. I'll call Amber."  
The phone rang for what seemed like years (Amber was really unenthusiastic when it came to answering calls) before she picked up. "Hey, what's up, Krystal!" they heard from the speaker.  
"Literally nothing. That's why I called you."  
"Yeah, Amber," Jinri yelled, "Let us hang out with you!"  
"Okay, I'm with some friends though," she responded.  
"Is that a yes?" Soojung asked.  
"Friends?" Jinri questioned.  
"Yeah, we're at the restaurant down the street from here. The one we ate at that day when we got our first paychecks. You know?"  
Soojung nodded. "Yeah, I know where it is."  
"Okay, good, cause I have no idea what it's called. There's like, four other people here."  
"Who?" Jinri asked, still persistent on knowing who Amber's friends were.  
"Some of my friends from America. I don't think you'd know them."  
"Well, whatever, we're coming," Soojung turned the phone off. Jinri's face had all kinds of disappointment written across it. "Oh my God, it's not my fault you're antisocial," Soojung tugged at the other girl's wrist, "Let's go!"  
It was a short walk, but Jinri insisted on taking ten minutes to get her coat on. Most of which was spent pleading to not go.  
"Soojung-ah, come on, I'm gonna be the only one who doesn't speak English and I don't want to meet Amber's weird American friends. We can stay here! Let's go to a different restaurant! Anything would be better than this!"  
"That sounds like a you problem. You need to get over your fear of…people."  
The whining ensued up until they got to the place. Then Jinri had a creepy fake-smile plastered on her face.  
"Hey, guys!" Amber waved. Her friends, two guys and one girl, bowed and nodded politely.  
"Hi, Amber," Soojung pulled a chair over.  
"Why are you always so uninterested looking? Should I be more exciting?" Amber said, and all her friends laughed. Jinri let out an uncomfortable giggle.  
For a good twenty minutes, Amber and her friends talked while Soojung and Jinri quietly ate food and watched. Occasionally, they offered uncomfortable smiles and small laughs.   
"Let's just go. They don't even know we're here so they won't even noticed," Jinri whispered impatiently. Soojung looked at the table and Amber's friends and nodded. They said quick goodbyes and dashed outside.   
After about three minutes of silently walking, Jinri laughed. "That was a horrible idea."  
Her laugh lit up the world, but Soojung kept that thought to herself.   
"I didn't sleep last night," Jinri said softly.  
Soojung brushed the other girl's hair back behind her ear. "Why didn't you wake me up?"  
"I didn't want to bother you."  
Sighing, Soojung reached out her arm to put around the other girl. "It's no big deal. You're not a bother."  
Jinri sighed and shook her head. "Forget about it."  
Trying to change the subject, Soojung asked cutely, "What should we do next?"  
"There's a park near here. It's kind of childish but that could serve us well."  
"Okay, I'll follow your lead."  
Jinri loved this kind of thing. Going out, dressed in casual clothes, walking along unpopulated backroads, not being followed by anyone. It was like being, wow, normal teenagers. She loved performing, but she hated it slightly in part because of everybody crowding you. She knew Soojung felt the same way. They entertained themselves with the simplest things, like reading the street signs in different accents or sticking their hands in each other's pockets, each girl trying to defend herself.   
Whenever Soojung did a Southern accent, it sent Jinri into a frenzy of giggling. And whenever Jinri laughed, Soojung's world fell down. When Jinri laughed, she couldn't stop, it was like laughter was her oxygen. Tears started coming out of her eyes, and you couldn't talk to her until she calmed down.  
It was really, really cute. The kind of cute that made Soojung's heart hurt.  
She'd wondered if anyone noticed how she looked at Jinri. When she looked at her, she felt amazement. Like she was staring at a marble sculpture. She never said it, but she thought it constantly. She sometimes couldn't believe she was friends with walking art.  
"Ah, we're here!" Jinri pointed to the park in front of them. It was small, and hidden, and sort of dirty, which seemed perfect. They sat down on a bench next to a sad swing set.  
"It's cold," Soojung shivered.  
"You have a jacket on, dummy."  
"Hey, shut up! It's still cold!"  
Jinri smiled, "I'll keep you warm," she placed her hand on top of Soojung's and folded their fingers together.  
"We should go on the swing set," Soojung whined.   
"No, let's stay like this a little while longer," she leaned her head into the other girl's shoulder.   
That position felt most comfortable to Soojung, and as years went by, the two would remember that day as one of their favorites. Maybe it was the quiet sitting together, the holding hands, the chasing each other around the park, the way Soojung's eyes closed when she smiled her hardest, the way Jinri's laugh sounded like bells on Christmas, or maybe it was the fact that nobody noticed them. That they could be entirely free because they were alone, and that was the best feeling in the world. Maybe it was a combination of all of those. But regardless, that was the night Soojung vowed she would stay with Jinri forever. It was a quiet promise, which, maybe, made it invalid, but she swore to herself she would never let go of that girl in all her years to come. She was sixteen and, still, she knew she wanted her head on her shoulder forever, their hands intertwined, feeling like nothing could ever top that.  
Because nothing ever could.


	8. Older Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you all for reading, as always. I appreciate you all so much, I hope you know.
> 
> Here's the playlist of songs I listened to while typing/editing this (I'm ost garbage haha)
> 
> falling slowly - glen hansard  
> lava - kuana torres kahele  
> I see the light - mandy moore  
> can you feel the love tonight - elton john  
> to your dream - suran  
> go (korean ver) - 솔튼 페이퍼
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and have a good night/day/whatever it is in your timezone! ♡

It came when Soojung was watching Amber play basketball in the morning. There was her Jinri, sneaking up behind her to give her a back hug.  
Or when Jinri was eating breakfast with Luna. There was Soojung, sneaking up behind and setting her chin on the other girl's shoulder.   
Or when there was a meeting with all the members, and the two would sit next to each other and Jinri would pretend she was tired and lean into Soojung and rest on her.  
But nobody thought anything of that. Why would they? Amber spent a lot of time with Luna, and Luna liked to curl up into Victoria. Because they were friends, friends who were entirely comfortable with each other. But of course, with Soojung and Jinri it was different, different in every sense of the word. They had never kissed, and Soojung didn't know if the other girl wanted to. But she did. And she thought about it a lot. Like when they'd fold their hands together, she'd look into her eyes and realize it was so close and easy and right there, so why not just go for it?  
But even if it was right there, it was miles away. They were still sixteen (for Soojung, it felt like they'd been stuck at that age for years) so what did either of them know about kissing? For normal sixteen year olds, kissing knowledge might be extensive, but the two of them had no knowledge other than elementary school and training (which, as far as interactions with others, was adult-supervised and awkward).  
Soojung knew her sister had probably never kissed anyone, but she was older, so therefore was wiser. She had to clear her mind, and she figured the only way to do so was to tell Sooyeon how she felt.  
They met at a noodle place with very ordinary noodles, but that reminded her of the ones her mom used to serve them. And in her eyes, that was good enough.  
"Sooyeon, it's been two years since debut and I still feel weird about this," the younger sister said, stirring her drink.  
"About what?" Sooyeon had her hair down and curled, falling around her shoulders beautifully. She looked cool and chic, only those who knew her would know she was a goofball.   
"I don't like being called pretty all the time. I don't like people judging me when they don't even know me. Being an idol. I hate that word."  
"Your personality, at first, I couldn't see how you would be a celebrity. But these days, you seem lighter, happier. Even, more outgoing. And I think it's good that you recognize there's flaws in the industry. It makes you a good role model. You'll adjust, Soojung, eventually," Sooyeon responded, wise as ever.  
The younger sister nodded. "I think I'm getting better at this whole thing. If f(x) lasts for a long time, I will be a master."  
Sooyeon laughed at her younger sister. "But, since I mentioned you seem happier, why is that? Did you meet anyone?"   
"I think…I'm just becoming better friends with the group members. Especially, uh, Jinri," in her mind, Soojung was having a heart attack. She hoped her sister wasn't seeing right through her. But on the outside, she stayed calm and collected. She really didn't care if her sister knew, but she was a gossiper. And she didn't want the whole world to know.  
"Jinri is so nice, I'm glad you two are close," Sooyeon took in a mouthful of food, "Female friendships are important. They are the most trustworthy kind."  
Soojung nodded at the polished response. Her sister's advice was always the most valued.  
And there was one thing she needed advice on more than anything else. One thing that would tear her thoughts apart at night. So she just had to ask.  
"Sooyeon, uh, have you ever had those feelings that you are…have you ever thought about girls in a way of love and romance?"  
Surprisingly, Sooyeon was not taken aback by the question. "I think everybody does. My question didn't last long. I really like men," she laughed a little too loudly, "Soojung, no matter what you are like, I would love you. You're my sister."  
Hearing those words almost brought tears to Soojung's eyes. She knew Sooyeon might say that but hearing it, for real, was like no other feeling.  
After taking another bite of food, Sooyeon's expression fell dark. "But, please, if you love girls, you can't let anyone know. And I say this for your safety. This information cannot get to anyone at the company. You must wait a very long time to be public about it. Until this country changes, or until you are retired and rich enough where you have nothing to lose from it."  
"Of course, of course. I wouldn't want to damage the company's image."  
"Soojung, I don't give a damn about the company's safety, I care about yours," Sooyeon placed her hand on her sister's wrist and looked straight at her, "So please, keep these things with me. I'll protect your secret."  
A smile spread across Soojung's face as she nodded. "Thank you for caring about me, sis."  
"No problem. As if anybody wants to make fun of you, they have to go through me first."


	9. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: so, as I was scrolling back in the jungli tag because I am trash, I realized there was a oneshot called "she." That is too close to the title on this work, and it was written before this one, which means I must have subconsciously copied it. I am so sorry to that author, and I will change the title of this. We are now "The Story Of Us" which is cheesy but whatever. Might be the title of a Taylor Swift song. But who cares. I will sue Taylor Swift if she makes me change it

Promotional periods were the worst, because even though group schedules were packed, they still felt like they never got to see each other. Or at least really see each other. Because it was all in a professional environment, it was all rehearsing together or doing scripted interviews and the occasional variety show. But that was all talking to cameras, none of that was talking to each other.  
Soojung was sick of it. There was no private time except when they slept, and even then she couldn't hold Jinri or anything because the staff woke them up and they couldn't risk being seen.  
So, backstage, Jinri would whisper little "I love you"s into Soojung's ear. They would squeeze hands occasionally. But that was the extent of their interactions, and both of them were pretty tired of it. Soojung got that empty feeling in her heart. She started to wonder if their small, secret love was just that - a small secret. If it was meant to be put in her back pocket, lost and forgotten about.  
These were the kinds of thoughts that raced through her head every day.  
Jinri knew her - she sensed that she was uncomfortable. She seemed more tense, more bitter, more emotionally unstable. Even when the atmosphere was light and playful, Soojung kept a stone face, she hardly laughed.   
Reason being, she was afraid of being caught. She don't want to get attached to Jinri because she was afraid it would become obvious what she felt towards her. She didn't want to give anyone a hint.  
But another part of her, a part that grew stronger every day, was the part telling her she was in love with Jinri and there was nothing she could do about it. And really, she couldn't ignore that girl if she tried. She was infatuated.  
There was one night Jinri couldn't fall asleep (granted, most nights she said she couldn't sleep, but that was just an excuse to get Soojung to cuddle with her). But that night she couldn't stop having nightmares, she woke up crying twice. Soojung remembered wanting to kiss her until she felt better. But she settled just for talking instead.  
"Ah, what's wrong?" Soojung sat across from her, both the girls crosslegged on Jinri's bed.  
"I…I had a nightmare that I…died. But I don't remember how," she sniffled.  
Soojung's expression fell sad. "If was just a dream."  
Jinri kept sniffling, trying to gain composure. "I know but…I just…I never want it to be real."  
"Jinri, you ca-"  
"I don't want to die, no matter how it happens."  
"Well, good, because I never want to lose you either."  
She started to bawl. It was like two waterfalls coming out of her eyes. "Soojung-ah, I know it's not the same in your life, but you are the most important to me and I never want to lose you."  
"You never have to, Choi Jinri, because I'm not going anywhere."  
Jinri ran all her tears dry. She cried and cried until she started to hiccup. Soojung just put her hand behind the girl's head and brought Jinri's head into her shoulder. "I'm right here, I'm right here."  
After a couple of minutes, Jinri looked up, wiped her eyes, and said, "I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"For crying."  
"Ah, there's no shame in that. Everybody feels emotions."  
"Except for you," Jinri laughed.  
Her cheeks turned pink. "Hey, that's not true! I am very emotional!"  
Jinri wrapped her arms tightly around Soojung. "I'm so afraid of the future."  
"What is there to be afraid of?"  
"Just…what if we don't do well? What if we break up or something? There's too many unforeseeable events."  
Soojung ran her hand through the other girl's brown hair. "Jinri-ah, you're overthinking it."  
She sighed. "Maybe."  
"I mean, really, what's the worst that could happen? We both die. Anything could be better than that."  
"Right."  
"But I don't think anything bad will happen. I think the group will grow successfully and we will stay close until we're old."  
Still cleaning out her tears, Jinri let out a tiny laugh. "You think so?"  
"I know so. Look, we have been the closest friends since our trainee days. Do you really think that's going anywhere?"  
Jinri unlatched her grip on her arm and held her hand instead. "No. We'll stay like this forever."  
Soojung squeezed her hand back. "Always."  
Even though Jinri had been crying that night, Soojung wanted to go back to it so badly. Because at least she had Jinri in her arms. And that was better than nothing, which was what they had now.


	10. Slow Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Meli, who thought of that beautiful song that I used.  
> (I was especially soft when I wrote this chapter I'm so sorry)

The scariest thing about music shows, besides the performance and the entire concept of messing up, was the whole "winning" thing. Soojung had expected winning to be easier - she had seen so many groups win. Her sister had a bunch of trophies from these shows. But so far, f(x) hadn't won anything, although the they had been fairly close.

Park Sunyoung was completely consumed with the idea of winning. She even made Amber pray for it since she was a Christian.

"You know, Luna, I will still love you if we don't win," Victoria told her as they were getting makeup done.

"I know, but I want to! And I want the trophy!"

Victoria sighed, "Yes, it would be cool and we do get a trophy. But it's truly not important to me. We tried our hardest here, we made a song that people liked, and I'm proud of you for working hard."

"But we st-"

"LUNA!"

Amber giggled and put her arm around the worried girl, ruffling her hair, "Just do your best, and good things will happen."

"Stop it! The stylist worked hard on that," Sunyoung batted her hand away.

Jinri laughed and looked over at Soojung. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good."

"You know, a lot of your okay-ness could be mistaken for absolute hatred of the current situation."

"I swear, it's just my face," Soojung laughed.

Amber laughed with her. "Krystal looks happy when performing, but she's really an ice princess."

"Look at her, so cool and chic. Just blowing the wind our way. _Whoosh,"_ Luna gestured the motion of wind with her hands, blowing the air onto Amber.

"Krystal, I'm sorry but you'll have to leave. You're too cool and we're all dorks so you are unfit for this group."

"Aigoo," Victoria slapped the air in front of her, "Stop it, kids. Rehearse more."

 

* * *

"And…with 150, 768 votes…"

Of course Victoria was standing coolly. Of course Jinri was smiling and waving at the audience. But Amber and Soojung's hearts were pumping a mile a minute, hands sweating, knees shaking. And Sunyoung was about to burst into tears. She had the most distressed look of all time on her face.

Victoria rubbed her back, saying, "It's okay, no matter what happens…"

"…the winning group is…"

The MC could not have unfolded that card slower.

"f(x)!"

The feeling of everybody cheering for them had to be the best feeling. At that moment, the whole world focused on the five of them. And up there they felt invincible. Like because they had this one win they had accomplished everything they needed in life.

If there's one thing they all remember from that night, it was Sunyoung's crying. Her hand clasped her face because she didn't want anybody to see her. She finally had the win she wanted, yet she couldn't stop crying.

All five members drove home in the same van, calling their family and friends to tell them what happened, just in case they didn't see. That night was full of pure bliss and energy. Nothing could have torn them down.

"I'm sure we annoyed the hell out of our driver," Amber said once they got out of the car. They had been singing and chanting the whole way back.

Laughing, Victoria gathered them all into a hug. "I'm so proud of you kids. Let's have many more wins in the years to come."

"We love you," Jinri said, causing everyone to nod their heads in agreement. 

"Ah, yeah yeah, get some sleep," Victoria waved in front of her. She secretly loved the attention, but loved even more to pretend like she didn't. 

After saying their thank you's and goodbye's, all five girls split into their dorm rooms. 

There wasn't a moment of silence once Jinri and Soojung entered their room. They broke out in smiles, yelling, "WE DID IT WE DID IT!"

Soojung playfully threw a pillow at her, "Choi Jinri, it's time for bed."

"Oh come on, aren't you excited?" Jinri made the most adorable pouty face.

"Well, yeah, of course I am!"

Jinri gave her a sly smile and started dancing and singing again. Soojung joined her this time, twirling all over the place and jumping up and down. They danced like no one was watching even though they were watching each other intently. And Jinri had the biggest smile that night. Soojung thought it was beautiful.

After a couple minutes, they both got tired of jumping and Jinri put her had out. "May I have this dance?"

Soojung laughed and did her best impression of a curtsy. "I accept. Oh! Wait!" She pulled out her phone. "We need music!" She set it down on the table and placed her hand in Jinri's.

The song playing was "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra. As a kid, Soojung had wanted to dance to that song with her future husband. Kind of a weird thought to have as a child, but she always thought it was so romantic. On that night, she had kind of accomplished her dream. Only not with her parent's idea of a husband, or as a princess in a ballroom. In the SM Entertainment dorm room with her best friend. 

Her best friend.

Jinri pulled Soojung into the typical slow dance format - Jinri's hands on her waist and Soojung's arms draped over her shoulders. Although they were just swaying, Jinri kept stepping on her toes, causing giggles from both of them.

The melody was soft, and Soojung had heard it a million times. But she had never really listened to the lyrics. Thankfully, they were in English, so Jinri couldn't understand them. And honestly, Soojung didn't want her to. Because it almost felt like she wrote the lyrics for her, and she wanted them all to herself.

_Some days, when the world is cold_

_And I'm feeling awfully low_

_I will feel a glow just thinking of you_

_And the way you look tonight_

It wasn't that Soojung was feeling bad - in fact, she was having a really good night, probably in her top ten best nights ever. It was that Jinri did look lovely on that night, not that she ever looked bad.

_Yes, you're lovely with your smile so warm_

_And your cheeks so soft_

Soojung looked at the girl across from her and how amazing her smile really was. It had to be her favorite feature on Jinri. It was so, so infectious and irresistible.

_There is nothing for me but to love you_

_And the way you look tonight_

She thought about that one. Hard. It was true. She had limited loving options. She just had Jinri and that was the best option she could have asked for.

_With each word your tenderness grows_

_Tearing my heart apart_

_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose_

_It touches my foolish heart_

Soojung felt herself choking up. She knew she was foolish and she knew Jinri was everything she ever wanted and it hurt her. Because right now, she felt her hands on her own waist and they felt like the hands of a doll, they fit perfectly. She thought of all the times she held Jinri, and felt like her life would never get any better than that. She'd never felt worth anything until Jinri made her feel like something. And her love alone, the fact that goddess Choi Jinri would consider her, made her feel special. And staring into those brown eyes, she realized that Jinri was the best thing she'd ever had. She had improved every aspect of Soojung, and for that she could not let her go. Never.

_Lovely…never ever change_

_Keep that breathless charm_

_Won't you please arrange it?_

_Because I love you_

_And the way you look tonight_

And then came the instrumental part. Jinri was spinning Soojung but they kept getting tripped up and laughing.

It was taking everything in her for Soojung not to cry because, God, she was sappy and tired and she had never felt like this about anyone before. She locked eyes with her and got lost in the music. This was an endless feeling.

As soon as the song was over, they separated slowly and Jinri went to go get ready for bed. Soojung felt like a character in a drama. She was completely love struck. She thought about Jinri while washing her face. She couldn't escape it.

But she was still tired. As she was about to fall asleep, she said, "That was my first slow dance."

Jinri didn't respond, probably because she was asleep. Soojung didn't mind. Some things are better to be kept a secret - even if it's only with yourself.

 


	11. Questions

"Jinri-ah?"  
The two girls were sitting in their dorm room - Jinri on her bed, reading, and Soojung on hers, staring at the ceiling.   
"Yeah?" Jinri answered as her head perked up.  
Soojung took a deep breath in, "We've known each other for a long time, right?"  
She closed her book and giggled. "Well, yeah."  
"We've danced together, shared our secrets, even slept together," Soojung's face turned bright red when she realized what she just said.  
Jinri burst out laughing. "Oh, my God!"  
"Wait, I - I didn't mean it like that but…you know what I meant, anyways!"  
Jinri tried to stop herself from laughing. "I do…I know what you meant."  
"Okay, so…if we're so close like that, why aren't we dating? Because we do all these couple-like things but whenever the subject of dating comes up we just brush it under the rug," she stared down at her finger shyly. It was kind of a big question, but one that needed to be asked.  
Jinri's face fell, "Soojung, you know why we can't…do that."  
"Why not? Nobody will find out."  
"That's exactly why. Because if I had a girlfriend like you, I would want to tell the world. Not keep it a secret."  
"Is that really why?"  
"Yes."  
"Jinri, tell me honestly. How are we any different than a couple who are dating?"  
"A couple who are dating would go and do things in public. This is different."  
Soojung still looked down. She felt like she couldn't keep eye contact when she asked questions. "Do you love me like a couple would love each other?"  
"Yes," it took Jinri no time to answer this question. Soojung looked up and she was staring right at her.  
"Me too," Soojung said softly, like she didn't want the other girl to hear.  
"Wherever you are, I'll always be right by your side."  
"Promise?"  
"Yes. Always. Every time. Until we're old," she said this confidently, her eyes locked in on Soojung's. "Always."


	12. Years From Now

It was a quiet, slightly cold day in Seoul. Meaning it was the perfect day to visit a random park in the middle of nowhere.  
"We should have packed a picnic," Jinri said as soon as they sat down on the grass.  
"What the hell, that's actually a good idea. But can either of us prepare food?" Soojung laid down, her head comfortably on the other girl's lap.  
"I can, well, kind of…I should have done something."  
"It's fine, this is good."  
"But it's almost Valentine's Day!" Jinri said, pouting down at Soojung.  
"You don't have to get me anything, seriously."  
"I know, but I want to."  
"Someday, we'll do something big. But we're both teenagers and we have work. We don't have time."  
Jinri ran her fingers through Soojung's long hair. "What are we gonna do in the future?"  
Looking up at the sky, and how big it was, she just said, "Get out of here."  
Jinri nodded. "Do you want to be a singer forever?"  
"I didn't even really want to be an singer in the first place. But the company had been pushing me for years to have me and…I felt bad saying no."  
Jinri looked up at the sky. "I want to do this. But I think if my contract expires, I'll leave naturally. Maybe I'll be a model. Or get married to someone really rich."  
Soojung slapped her arm. "Hey, you don't need to get married to anyone else! You have me!"  
She laughed. "When we leave, what are we gonna do?"  
"We're gonna run, to any place we can. And we're gonna sit down on the ground and I'll ask you to be my girlfriend. And of course you'll say yes. And then we'll travel."  
A smile spread over Jinri's face. "Travel where?"  
"Anywhere we haven't been. I want to go to France."  
Jinri placed her hand on Soojung's and their fingers interlocked. "I know we've been there as a group, but I want to go to Japan, just you and me. To the cherry blossom gardens. And we can put flowers in each other's hair and lay like this under the trees."  
Soojung smiled widely. "Those are so pretty. The cherry blossoms."  
"Oh, please, Jung Soojung, you're so much prettier than any flower."  
"Ji-"  
She was cut off. "And we can't go to France. Because then we'd go to the art museums and I'd waste all my money, because how can I look at paintings on a wall when the real art is right there beside me?"  
As they sat there for what seemed like forever, Soojung thought about how endless the sky was. And how big the world was. And how, no matter where she was, she wanted to be there with Jinri.  
She thought about what Jinri had said that one day. "Wherever you are, I'd always be right by your side." She wondered if it was true. How she wished it was. And as she looked above her, at that energetic, smiling girl she loved, she knew it would be. She knew it was.


	13. Rainy Day

Naturally, after a performance in Texas and a day of training in LA, the managers expected the girls to be at least a little tired. This proved the opposite at eleven o'clock, driving the hotels, when everybody except Victoria started singing delightedly. Amber knew she was going home to her parents, but Soojung's family was five hours away in San Fransisco. She had wanted to show them all her childhood home, but it looked like they'd have to stay close to where they were staying.  
Amber was driven away with the filming crew while the rest of the group were dropped off in front of the hotel.  
"Bye guys, don't be too stupid without me," Amber said from the window.  
"How could we? You're taking all the stupid with you," Soojung waved.   
Amber stuck her tongue out, rolled the window up, and was off.  
"Is there anything you all want to do?" Victoria asked.  
"Honestly," Luna cutely rubbed her eyes, "I'm tired. Can we just go to bed?"  
Victoria nodded. "Our choreographer gave me…a drink. Just for me. We should watch a movie," she smiled.  
"I think me and Soojung are going to go for a walk," Jinri said, "is that okay?"  
"Sure, just don't get back too late," Victoria patted her shoulder.  
Jinri nodded obediently. "Okay, mom."  
She burst out laughing. "Okay kids, mom is going up to her room. Don't burn the city down, have fun!" She took Luna's arm and they disappeared into the hotel's lobby.  
Soojung looked at Jinri questionably. "I didn't know we were going for a walk."  
"Oh, you didn't? I must have forgotten to text my plans."  
Soojung laughed. "But, seriously, what are we gonna do? Like, where are we going?"  
"Let's just take the bus and get off at a stop that seems nice."  
They waited at the bus stop for twenty minutes. Soojung was getting impatient.  
"Soojung-ah, this is your home state! You should be used to this!"  
"I was just as impatient when I was six! Seriously, let's just take a walk," she grabbed the other girl's arm and pulled her away.  
As the two walked, Jinri looked around, taking in the surroundings. She did that cute sigh-and-smile combination and nodded happily. "I like the US so far."  
Soojung giggled. "Yeah, cause there aren't any fans following us around."  
"There could be! You just can't see them."  
"People here don't care about two Korean girls, even if they are celebrities. We might as well be selling bread on the sidewalk."  
Jinri laughed. "What was growing up in America like?"  
"Uh, I still had strict parents, who wanted me to be the very best in school, et cetera. I was a pretty shy kid, I didn't have many friends. I kind of feel like I can't give you a good story because my childhood was weird. Like, Sooyeon and I were scouted in Korea when I was five. She started training when she was ten. We were pretty split between here and Korea."  
Jinri nodded. "My family pushed me to be famous when I was very young. I did not want to at first, but when I started filming for dramas I really enjoyed it."  
"I've come to enjoy it, too. I was so stubborn as a kid. Maybe still am. But this is fun, I can't believe I enjoy it so much."  
"It beats staying up late in an office."  
"But we still stay up late practicing all the time."  
"And not to mention the whole weight loss thing," Jinri rolled her eyes.  
"Ah, seriously! When I retire I am going to get so fat. I already eat as much as I can on hiatuses."  
Jinri giggled and looked around. "It's nice out tonight. Not too cold."  
"Yeah, California's like, insanely warm. All the time. There are parts of the country where it's freezing cold all the time, though, so I guess this beats that."  
"Ah, I like America. And I like American music. Like that one song you played for the night of our first win. That's one of my favorites now."  
Soojung smiled widely. "The night we slow danced! That was such a good night."  
"Mhmm. Have you ever gone to a real dance with someone? Isn't that an American thing? I always see it in shows."  
"No, I've never been. My first slow dance was with you."  
Jinri leaned into her shoulder as they walked. "That's so cute. I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"I mean it. I really do love you. You're without a doubt the best person in my life," she shook her head, "That sounds so dumb. It's just like…you make me smile every day. You bring me joy. Really."  
Soojung looked at that girl, who's big eyes were staring back at her, full of sincerity. Normally Jinri had that mischievous twinkle in her eye, but she looked dead serious. "I love you too. And I mean it when I say I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
Jinri looked like she was about to cry, and then the sky did it for her. The pouring rain was inescapable, they were drenched within seconds.   
"Come on," Soojung grabbed Jinri's hand and took her into an alleyway near where they were walking, in between two apartment buildings. They sat as close as they could to the wall, hoping there would be something to cover them.  
Jinri was completely stressed out. "How are we gonna get back…it's pouring rain…I don't remember the way…Victoria is gonna kill us if the managers don't first…"  
The same thoughts were running through Soojung's head, but she attempted to be the calm one. She say thinking, quietly, until she had an idea.  
She got up and ran into the middle of the alley, right where the rain was pouring down. Smiling, she waved her arms up and down.   
Through sniffly tears, Jinri looked up. "Wha…what are you doing?"  
"I'm enjoying it while I can," Soojung smiled so hard her cheeks hurt, "Come out!"  
Miserably, Jinri got up and stood in the rain. "Oh, come on, this is stressing me out more. My clothes and hair are all wet."  
"That's the fun of it, Choi Jinri," Soojung bounced up and down, doing some movements that resembled dancing.   
Unenthusiastically, Jinri started to dance around. Soojung grabbed her hands and swung them, laughing. Seeing the other girl's big smile, Jinri couldn't help but melt.   
Soon, their hair looked like worms, it was sticking to their faces, their clothes were see through, and they could hardly see each other through the rain. But they felt exhilarated.  
Jinri was laughing more than she ever had, for no reason. Soojung forced laughs, because she figured it would be infectious, and Jinri would keep laughing. She wanted to hear that laugh forever.   
They were dancing as Soojung went in for a hug, and Jinri held her tight as she always did. But this time it felt different. Not only were they wet and their clothes were skintight, but both of them were a little older now. The shape, the feelings, everything about Soojung had changed. It felt more serious - the reality of dating and romantic love had started to dawn on Jinri. As they rain poured down, they held each other tighter, like they each had something to protect.   
As Soojung pulled herself away, she realized something. That Jinri's hands were on her waist. That they were so close their noses touched. That even they were so close, Jinri still looked like an angel.   
And all of a sudden, they were kissing each other's lips with their eyes closed. Soojung loved everything about her, but she had three new things to add to the list. One - Choi Jinri smells like vanilla once you get close to her. Two - her lips look nice, but they feel even better. Three - her lips taste like peaches.  
Jinri felt like she was in paradise. She loved Soojung as if she was her whole world. And that moment was the peak of her existence.   
As they pulled away, love still in their eyes, Soojung managed to say one thing. "It's an American tradition."  
"What?"  
"Kissing in the rain. Haven't you ever seen a movie?"  
Jinri laughed. "Well, I'm glad you could show me the ways of your country. I'm new to this, you see."  
Soojung grabbed her hand. "Any time."  
They walked home in the rainy moonlight, and nothing had ever been better.


	14. Coming Out

Now that kissing had become a thing, they tried to do it as often as possible without getting caught. There had been one close call - they were sitting really touchy-touchy on Jinri's bed when Amber walked in. And immediately after she walked in, Soojung detached her hands from the other girl's waist and folded them in her lap.  
Which, in hindsight, probably raised more suspicions.  
Soojung didn't like keeping secrets. And she really did like Amber. She figured since Amber was from a super liberal part of California, she probably wouldn't care.   
Soojung and Amber were sitting in Amber's dorm room, just the two of them. It was the same as the other dorm room, but it smelled way worse and had three beds. And there was a plastic basketball hoop on the door which Amber threw a tiny basketball into basically all day long. Soojung was painting her toenails, black, on the floor. ("Don't spill that or else Victoria will kick your teeth in")  
"Hey, Amb?" Soojung looked up, making eye contact with her.  
"Yeah, what's up?"   
"Okay, this is kind of serious. Are you prepared?"  
"Yeah, hit me."  
"Okay. So, you know Jinri?"  
Amber stared blankly. "No, I have no idea who that is."  
"Shut up, asshole. So…how would you react if…I was…if we were…if me and her were…dating?"  
Amber shrugged. "That's cute. We're allowed to date by now in our contracts, aren't we?"  
"Yeah, but not in a gay way."  
Amber shook her head. "Honestly, that's bullshit."  
"I know…that's why…you have to keep this a secret."  
"I will. Okay? And I don't think much of it."  
Soojung sighed out of relief. "You know everyone thinks you are, Amb."  
"I am…?" she looked confused and then laughed, "Oh yeah, but really, I'm not. Not that any guy would like me anyways."  
"Oh, come on, you're the male idol killer. You're all cool and friendly and boyish but then, surprise, super freaking pretty."  
Amber laughed, "You're the one guys like, though."  
"That's too bad for the guys," she sat in silence for a little bit, "Thank you for responding well."  
"It's not a big deal. I have other friends who are."  
"Other friends? Like…Hen-"  
"Krystal, shut your mouth," Amber threw the basketball at her.  
"Jesus, 'Krystal.' So American. This is Korea, did you know?"  
Amber took the basketball and whacked the hell out of Soojung's arm with it, just as Luna walked in.  
"Um…hi?" she said, taking off her jacket and hanging it in the closet.  
"Hi puppy," Amber said, throwing the basketball at her.  
"Victoria looks different," she nodded at Soojung, who laughed. As she walked over to her bed, she stepped in Amber's pile of clothes, "I'm really excited we get apartments soon."   
"Woah, we do?" Soojung said, "When?"  
"After the next promotions cycle. Are you gonna move in with Jessica?"  
Soojung thought about it for a second. She hadn't even considered what she would do. She just knew she wanted to stay with Jinri forever. "I guess my sister and I would rip each other's hairs out, so no."  
Luna laughed and started talking to Amber, which Soojung took as her cue to leave. She walked down the hallway to her room, and Jinri was already in there, writing something in a journal.  
"Hey, did you know we move into apartments soon? On our own?" Soojung mentioned as she sat down.  
"Yeah, I meant to ask you about that, because I honestly don't want to move away from you."  
"Should we be roommates or neighbors or what?"  
Jinri sat up, with the cutest look in her eyes, "Oh, shouldn't we be roommates? That would be so fun!"  
"Moving in together is a pretty big step, are you sure?"  
She let out a huge laugh. "Soojungie, we've been living in this tiny room together for years!"  
The other girl laughed with her, "You're right, you're right."  
"Soojung-ah."  
"What?"  
"I like your eyes when you smile."  
"I like your whole face always."  
"You should do it more," Jinri said with full seriousness. The two stared deeply at each other all of a sudden."  
"Yeah. Yes. I will."  
"Oh, don't kid yourself, Ice Princess."  
"Hey!"  
"It's true!"  
As they sat there, talking idly, Soojung thought about how they'd never had any real fights. About how their relationship hadn't been action, it had been a plan of what they were gonna do when they grew up. And now they were growing up. How would that change things? Even worse, what if their relationship came to an end?  
Soojung thought she worried about the future too much, and she could tell by the glimmer in Jinri's eyes that that girl was just enjoy now. So, maybe, she would too. For Jinri.


	15. Life Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, this is so late. I'm sorry life has been crazy.

Jinri's favorite part of waking up in their new apartment was seeing Soojung's sleeping face across from hers, the sun streaming in through the window's blinds, creating stripes of brightness. Soojung looked peaceful while she slept. Thankfully for Jinri, this gave her the opportunity to examine her face. She noticed a variety of things, all of them leading to the same conclusion - Soojung was the most beautiful girl in the world. Every curve of her face was so perfectly molded, her beauty was not bold or brave, but it shone. Even in sweats she would look like a goddess. Jinri was in love.  
Jinri felt she was the more affectionate one in the relationship. She would give random hugs, kisses, at any moment like surprise attacks. Although Soojung enjoyed this, she wouldn't dare do that because she didn't feel as though the other girl liked her as much. Mistakenly, Soojung had a lot of fear about moving in with her girl. She felt as though, now that they were official and in love and living together where they could do whatever they wanted, the romantic air would wear off. But she kept it to herself, because she was afraid of she said it, it was doomed to be true.  
And she never wanted it to be true. She was in love with Jinri so much that it made her bones ache. And though it was stupid, she felt it. She loved her.


	16. Morning Pancakes

At 7:52 on a Sunday, especially one with no schedule set, there was nothing much for the couple to do except sleep. Except Soojung couldn't sleep, and Jinri didn't want to be asleep if Soojung was awake. Standing in her long white shirt, there one that could be a dress if it wasn't a men's XXL college t-shirt, Soojung lazily flipped pancakes. She wasn't that great at making them, probably because she got lazy and rushed the process. But she liked it, and she especially liked making more than enough for two people.  
"Good morning," came a sleepy voice from behind her. She tensed up for a second, thinking it was an intruder, when she realized there was only one person it could be. There was no way an intruder could have gotten in that quickly. And good thing it wasn't an intruder. Soojung was thinking of how terrible she was under pressure.  
She felt somebody's body pushed up against her backside, and then two arms being tied around her waist - Jinri's, obviously, they were thin and pale just like the reset of her - and a chin resting on her shoulder. Soojung melted into her, because that was the most comfortable person for her. She thought that if she and Jinri were to part ways, she would never feel comfortable in another person's arms again. But she didn't think about that often because, of course, they'd never be apart. They were inseparable.  
"Good morning," Soojung said back, in her usual tired, grumpy-sounding voice.  
"Haven't you made enough of those? Don't you think you can take a break?" Jinri said, and Soojung could feel the girl's breath on her neck.  
"I need to use the rest of the batter." Soojung said,  
unchangingly.  
"Oh, come on," Jinri poked her stomach, forcing a giggle out of her girlfriend.  
"I'm very focused, as you can see," she giggles, "Very, very focused."  
Jinri stopped poking her stomach and instead brought her lips to Soojung's neck. She could feel her breath - which was hot and close and practically burning her skin. And then she realized her own breath was staggered and short, like she was gasping for air.  
She turned around, so her face was right against Jinri's, and she was looking right at her sparkling eyes. They were always sparkling like that, as if she was about to be told a secret. Or like she was looking up at the stars perpetually.  
"God, everything you do makes me want to kiss you," Soojung said, staring at the lips right in front of her. She swore that Jinri's lips were handcrafted by God. They were so perfectly formed and colored like peaches.  
"Then why don't you?" Jinri's hands were still wrapped around her, but now they rested on her butt. Soojung's face was red and blushy as it could be.  
"God, you are such a tease," she leaned into kiss Jinri, who grabbed onto her like she was never going to let go.  
Soojung loved kissing her. Not that she had ever kissed anybody else, but she assumed it wasn't as good. Kissing her girlfriend tasted like peaches, like a warm spring, and when you were that close to her, she smelled just the same. Kissing her didn't feel warm like sitting by a fireplace in winter, but rather sitting outside during May in a field of flowers and you don't have allergies and the bees aren't trying to sting you, they're just floating there. Soojung thought her girlfriend ran on peach juice and watermelon; there was never a hint of bitterness or alcohol in her mouth. It was always sweet, pure, untainted. That's how it should feel, and there was nothing shameful within Jinri. Everything felt natural.  
They were kissing and kissing until Jinri realized she was being pressed right up against the countertop. And then like the tease she was, she sat right on top of it and looked down at Soojung, tracing her face with her own fingers. "You're so pretty."  
Soojung laughed, "Just pretty?"  
"Yes. Like the epitome of pretty. Like silk curtains or butterflies or abstract art. You don't know why it's so pretty, it just is. And it will always stay that way," She locked her legs around Soojung's waist, which felt like the sexiest position in the world.  
The more they kissed, the more elated Soojung was. And since it was too hard for Jinri to lean down so they could lock lips, Soojung began to kiss her beck. Leaving little bite marks all over it. It was too much for her to handle. Jinri let out little noises, little moans, just to let her girlfriend know she was driving her absolutely crazy. The hot breath against her skin was sending hyperspeed pulses through her body, and she couldn't take it anymore - she just pulled Soojung on top of her.  
Granted, it wasn't a big countertop. Not like it mattered to either of them at that exact moment.  
"Have I…ever…told you…that I'm so lucky…to have you…" Jinri managed to get out sans breath.  
"You might have mentioned that once or twice."  
"Well, I am, and you deserve to hear it every day."  
They stared at each other for a bit, Soojung still on top of her.  
"I love you," Soojung said, breaking the silence.  
"I love you too," Jinri brought her lips up to hers, "but have we considered that we're making out on a countertop next to burning pancakes when there's a perfectly good bedroom down the hall?"  
She laughed, "I'll toss the burnt pancakes and meet you in the bedroom."  
It was early in the morning, and Soojung thought about how lucky she was to have that girl. About how things that would have felt dirty or awkward with anyone else just didn't with Jinri (for example - what do you do with boobs once they're in your hands?) How they just seemed to melt into each other, two bodies intertwined, like they were painted on an oil canvas. How touching each other could feel like honey or like ice, and how the unpredictability made it fun. How Soojung got to hear nothing but love and joy. Darling. Baby. Honey. Babe. Goddess. How she never wanted that to change.  
And it wouldn't, because this was it for them. This was how it would be forever and ever.  
Soojung's universe revolved around Jinri, and she didn't want even one star to fall out of place.


	17. 8:28 pm

Normally, during promotions it was Soojung who was nervous and Jinri who comforted her. But these days, it was opposite. Jinri, with her perpetual smile, frowned and scrunched her eyebrows like she was constantly debating something.  
Soojung missed her eyes the most. Those bright and sparkly beings - they almost had a life of their own. But now they were dull and flat, just set into her face like normal, sad eyes were. And that crushed Soojung's face.  
"Hey baby, what's wrong?" she draped her arm over Jinri's shoulder.  
"Nothing," came the response, "Just tired."  
She leaned into Soojung's shoulder, but it didn't feel like it used to. It was a weak effort.  
8:28 pm - She was starting to wonder if she would ever feel the same again.


	18. Chapter 18

Soojung always supported what her girlfriend did. If that meant taking temporary leave from the group, she supported it.   
But if it also meant packing her bags and going to live with her parents and not responding to calls, well, Soojung didn't exactly know how to feel about that.   
Not that they'd broken up. Not officially. But she felt like they had. She'd already gone through at least three stages of grief.   
1 - Denial.   
"She's just having a rough patch. She needs to be with her family. There might be something she isn't telling me and I need to respect her privacy."  
2 - Anger.   
"What the fuck - why won't she answer me?" (And when Soojung got angry, she got angry. Punching bag angry. No sleep angry. Drunk angry. Crumpling paper angry. A passive aggressive but wholly emotional type of anger).   
3 - Bargaining.   
Similar to the denial phase. Making theories as to why Choi Jinri, the happy peach, would act this way.   
"Hey, Amber."  
"Yo, are you okay? How is everything?"  
"It kind of sucks. Listen, has she called you? Texted you? Responded to anything?"  
"Once. Uh, she said she was doing okay, but needed some off time."  
"What the- Are you with anybody right now?"  
"Luna."  
"Has she texted her?"  
"Luna said a couple times."  
"Then why is she just ignoring me?"  
Amber went silent. "I have no idea."  
"Alright, that's all I needed. Bye. Love you guys."  
"Feel better, ddungie."  
Not even that dumb nickname made her laugh or smile. She just texted Jinri.  
"I miss you. Please give me a sign."


End file.
